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And it isn't justthat?"
"Well, Colonel Luscombe, I am running a hotel. Icouldn't afford actually to lose money."
"But how can that pay you?"
"It's a question ofatmosphere…. Strangers coming to this country (Americans, inparticular, because they are the ones who have the money) have their own rather queerideas of what England is like. I'm not talking, youunderstand, of the rich business tycoons who are always crossing the Atlantic. Theyusually go to the Savoy or the Dorchester. They want modern décor, American food,all the things that will make them feel at home. But there are a lot of people who comeabroad at rare intervals and who expect this country to be – well,I won't go back as far as Dickens, but they've read Cranford and Henry James, and they don'twant to find this country just the same as their own! So they go back home afterwards andsay: 'There's a wonderful place inLondon; Bertram's Hotel, it'scalled. It's just like stepping back a hundred years. It justis old England! And the people who stay there! People you'dnever come across an
ere else. Wonderful old Duchesses. They serve all the old Englishdishes, there's a marvellous old-fashioned beefsteak pudding!You've never tasted anything like it; and great sirloins ofbeef and saddles of mutton, and an old-fashioned English tea and a wonderful Englishbreakfast. And of course all the usual things as well. And it'swonderfully comfortable. And warm. Great log fires.'"
Mr. Humfries ceased his impersonation and permittedhimself something nearly approaching a grin.
"I see," said Luscombethoughtfully. "These people; decayed aristocrats, impoverishedmembers of the old County families, they are all so much mise en scene?"
Mr. Humfries nodded agreement.
"I really wonder no one else has thought of it. ofcourse I found Bertram's ready made, so to speak. All itneeded was some rather expensive restoration. All the people who come here think it's something that they've discovered forthemselves, that no one else knows about."
"I suppose," saidLuscombe, "that the restoration was quite expensive?"
"Oh yes. The place has got to look Edwardian, butit's got to have the modern comforts that we take for grantedin these days. Our old dears – if you will forgive mereferring to them as that – have got to feel that nothing haschanged since the turn of the century, and our travelling clients have got to feel theycan have period surroundings, and still have what they are used to having at home, and can't really live without!"
"Bit difficult sometimes?" suggested Luscombe.
"Not really. Take central heating for instance.Americans require – need, I should say – at least ten degrees Fahrenheit higher than English people do. We actuallyhave two quite different sets of bedrooms. The English we put in one lot, the Americans inthe other. The rooms all look alike, but they are full of actual differences – electric razors, and showers as well as tubs in some of the bathrooms, and ifyou want an American breakfast, it's there – cereals and iced orange juice and all – or if youprefer you can have the English breakfast."
"Eggs and bacon?"
"As you say – but agood deal more than that if you want it. kippers, kidneys and bacon, cold grouse, Yorkham. Oxford marmalade."
"I must remember all that tomorrow morning. Don't get that sort of thing any more at home."
Humfries smiled.
"Most gentlemen only ask for eggs and bacon. They've – well, they'vegoo out of the way of thinking about the things there used to be."
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"Yes, yes…. I rememberwhen I was a child…. Sideboard groaning with hot dishes. Yes,it was a luxurious way of life."
"We endeavour to give people anything they askfor."
"Including seek cake and muffins – yes, I see. To each according to his need – I see…. Quite Marxian."
"I beg your pardon?"
"Just a thought, Humfries. Extremes meet."
Colonel Luscombe turned away, taking the key MissGorringe offered him. A pageboy sprang to attention and conducted him to the lift. He sawin passing that Lady Selina Hazy was now sitting with her friend Jane something or other.
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Thursday, January 3, 2008
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